I see my future, you know. I see what I become. What I amount to.
And I don’t like it.
I will have nobody to save me. Because nobody loves me, and they never will. I will be alone forever in a dark world, slowly but surely dying. I’ll be standing on a train in the winter time, coat wrapped around me, hair down, scarf on my neck, and I will watch. I’ll watch the businessmen and women, the children, the workers…and I’ll envy them. They’re all worrying about their families and how they’re going to feed them, but I won’t have that luxury. I’ll be worrying about my cats and how to get them to love me. I’ll be worrying about that story I’m trying and failing to write. I’ll be worrying about how I will ever find anybody to love me. And eventually, I’ll give up. When I’m on that cross-walk, and that car comes out of nowhere, I won’t move. I’ll smile.And I will gratefully allow my life to be taken.