Will You Accept the Charges?

Avatar Author: TextMason *NOTE: I am happy to build feedback loops, where I comment on all your stories if you comment on all mine. If you have less than twenty stories, I'll go first - but otherwise, I'd offer batch processing.* A gamer born ... Read Bio

“Hello, you’ve reached Ed Gruberman’s voicemail. I’m not at my desk right now. Please leave me a message.”
beep
“Hey, Ed – this is Ed. As in you Ed. This is your last chance. In thirty minutes, you’re going to meet a man from legal who wants to schedule a meeting with you. His joke – legal is downstairs.”
(bitter laughter)
“Anyway, he’s going to tell you he’s got an offer you need to take a look at. Let me save you the visit – you don’t. You don’t need to, you don’t WANT to take that meeting. He’ll tease you, he’ll tempt you – but that’s his job, you know.”
(cough)
“I’m not gonna say who he is. But I am gonna say that he can give you anything you want. And the only thing I came up with was this – to call me up a week ago and-”
beep over phone
“Wait. WAIT.”
rustling
“is THAT why we’re in New York? You put me one hour ahead so I’d…I’d…I’d miss…”
screams, crackling sounds
beep

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Comments (14 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar BA Boucher

    Holy Hell, that was fun

    Good job with the confines of the challenge and beautiful set up.

    Congratulations

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    ouch that’s one painful loop there.. and apparently many Ed’s.. great monologue!

  3. Avatar Stovohobo

    Very good idea with the answering machine. It reads like a good script—just actions and dialogue (monologue, I guess). Really, really interesting possibilites…

    The only downside I can think of is the lack of paragraph separation. It doesn’t read as easily as it could. Besides that, it’s great.

  4. Avatar Mirror

    Great idea and very well narrated. Makes you wonder what happened to the future Ed.

  5. Avatar Jape Prophets

    Pretty good. I like it. The only part I don’t get it ‘His joke-legal is downstairs’. What does that mean?

    Anyway, the premise is really enticing, and makes you suspect a twist ending, but in a good way, letting you lower your guard.

    Jape S. Prophet

  6. Avatar TextMason

    The man from legal said he came from “downstairs” – also known as DownBelow, the Karmic Basement, the Seventh Circle, or Hell. (And it’s another joke that in Ed’s building, legal is downstairs from his office. AND that Mr. Liar Incarnate pretended to be a lawyer. It’s the joke like a burrito – lots of different flavors.)

  7. Avatar Ronnie

    Awww. I didn’t read your story first!! I thought I was all clever with the voicemail idea. And your story was good to make matters worse!

  8. Avatar Oy

    Whoa. I’m stunned. Professional-level writing! Well done!

  9. Avatar Oy

    Was Ed Gruberman a name from something else? It sounds familiar… Aha! I just googled it. Boot to the head!

  10. Avatar TextMason

    Sometimes I grab random names that resonate with funny memories. :)

  11. Avatar Mycroft

    Scary enough up until the last little twist, which really got me. I didn’t realise until I looked back at the start of the story that Ed never actually got this message…very good and very creepy.

  12. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    this was just twisted and sick and i love any story staring “you know who”

  13. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    BRAVO

  14. Avatar Coccinella

    Very cool, compelling bit of dialogue. High-concept. I reckon there’s an interesting starting point for a movie script in there.

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