This is a work of fiction.

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either my friends, or my dog. Don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on anything. Read at your own risk. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Some assembly required. Instructions included. Batteries not included. Action figures sold separately.

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, damage from improper or unauthorized reading, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, lasers, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, etc).

Other restrictions may apply.