HEY!!!

Avatar Author: StudMuffin (LoA) I'm 20. I live in Hastings, UK. Uhhh I'm going to school for illustration, but sometimes I just, like, love writing. Back when I was 15, I was a member of this site in it's earliest days and I stopped using it after ... Read Bio

“HEY, BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!
BOY, HAVE I GOT A TREAT FOR YOU!! IT’S THE KAISER 300 AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN!!
USE IT ON ANYTHING!!!
TARGETS, FRUIT, DOGS!!
HELL, ZOMBIE UPRISING?? BUY THE KAISER 300!!! THIS BABY WILL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH HALF A SHOT, LET ALONE A FULL ONE!!!
WITH ME NOW IS JOHN JUBILEE, THE CREATOR OF THE KAISER 300. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY JO-”
BOOM
John flew back like a ragdoll, his head landing in seven or eight different pieces around the room. Billy dropped the gun, his mouth gaping.
John slammed against the wall, and slid to the ground. His neck cut off, a bit of white poking out of the top.
Billy vomited, and looked at the camera man.
“Billy, uh…We’re still live,” he said.
Billy bent down and picked up the gun.
“O-OBSERVE THE P-P-POWER OF THE K-K-KAISER 300!!”
He took aim again and fired the gun at Johns body, which was slumped against the wall.
The body thrashed and spat blood all over Billy’s clothes.
Billy emptied the round.
He turned, dazed.
“See you next time, I’m Billy Mays……”

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Sequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (2 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Match

    An excellent concept for a story – not least helped by my strong dislike of shopping channels!

    The fact the salesman continues on with the show in spite of everything says volumes of the society we live in.

  2. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Ow! Painful!

    Poor Billy Mays. This was kinda funny though.

This story's tags are