I keep a conscious stream of thoughts. Maybe thoughts are the enemy, but then again an empty mind is equal to empty emotions, and how does that help? Self-healing, they say. The pain I’m feeling is way too over the top for that. To stop caring won’t help me much now. I’m wondering if I should continue fighting for this girl, or instead fight for my pride. I’ve been torn between the two. It’s confusing, it really is. The more I fight for her, the more my pride is hurt. The more I attempt to regain my pride, the further away I push her. Either way I’m pushing her further away, so it’s possible that neither of these methods are even remotely correct in any sense. I just need to find the loophole, my fit. Maybe navigating away from this would be helpful. I thought so, even began to pursue the “no contact” method. I knew this was dangerous, unless I was having fun in my life, which I’m beginning to see as less likely for the near future. This is when I begin to get impatient, and wonder if she even gives a fuck.