Never Read the Bottle

Avatar Author: Kevin Lawver This time, it's mostly Jason's fault. He's the one who convinced me that we couldn't just leave well enough alone. He got the designers to donate their time, and wrote all the HTML, CSS and 95% of the javascript. I did... Read Bio

I never should have looked at the paper folded up inside the box my medicine came in. It has impossibly small print and was folded over almost thirty times, so that by the time I got it all unfolded and spread out on the table, it covered the entire surface in diagrams of molecules, warnings and instructions.

I went right to the side effects, because I wanted some explanation for what was happening to me.

Side Effects may include, but are not limited: drowsiness, irritability, irrational exuberance, sweaty palms, increased flatulence (how do they know what level “increased” is?), tunnel vision, projectile mucus expulsions, runny eyes, dry nostrils, blue urine, mood fluctuations, incontinence, night sweats, and in rare cases, chance of sudden onset lycanthropy

Well, that explains the blackouts and small bones in the toilet bowl.

I honestly don’t think clear skin is worth the risk. Why did my doctor prescribe this? Can I stop? Then I read the section under the side effects list, and my blood ran cold.

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Comments (11 so far!)

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  1. Avatar April Raines

    dun dun duhhn!

    Nicely captured mood. Love the bracketed comment (how indeed?).

  2. Avatar sesquipedalian

    lycanthropy.. as in werewolves?
    haha! that’s great :)

  3. Avatar The Note Writer

    I have no clue why this has no sequel.

  4. Avatar J. Rein B.

    Oh, it’s worth it. Acne is the worst of all fates. And if all comes to worst, just turn the rest of your society into werewolves. XD
    I like it a lot. I wonder what that drug is made of. XD

  5. Avatar natalief

    wonders what the section under “Side Effects” was

    hangs off a cliff waiting for a sequel but finds no muse herself

    wishes for a help file/manual for the site that tells me what codes do bold etc.

  6. Avatar natalief

    OKay, so an asterisk makes things bold and does not do the {asterisk}text emote{asterisk} thing that I was expecting. I wonder what two asterisks do:

    test

  7. Avatar natalief

    So, how to I type an asterisk before and after some text without it behaving as bold? Maybe slash escape the asterisk?

    /test/

  8. Avatar natalief

    /me gives up and resorts to using “/me” instead

  9. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    This is just a test. Please ignore me!

  10. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    under side effects… Do not operate heavy machinery?

  11. Avatar Krulltar

    Quirky little ficly, that is definately 5 pencils good. btw, the worst part about sudden onset lycanthropy isn’t the blackouts, its finding furballs everywhere. oh, and blue urine ain’t nothin’ to be worryin’ about, I got a case of blue urine once from drinkin’ too much grape koolaid.

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