A man and an alien walked into a milk bar...

Avatar Author: dkscully "Stand back! I have a keyboard and I'm not afraid to use it." This site is totally awesome. I really enjoyed ficlets.com (where I went by my alternative handle of kjaneway), and I thought that it was a great shame that... Read Bio

“Hey, buddy!”

He’d done this too many times. Faking the requisite bonhomie came naturally to a man like him.

“Your pardon. Are you addressing me?” asked his mark, as politely and innocently as usual.

Bruce did his best to turn an automatic grimace into a smile. Fortunately, NENs – non-Earth natives, the politically correct term some fool had decided we had to call them – had vision evolved for a slightly different spectrum. Between that and their different facial structures, they found it hard to recognise the visual tells that might have made this harder. The mark blinked his single eye at Bruce, expectantly. Like a puppy, he thought.

“Yeah, sure. I’m Bruce.”

“Hello… Bruce. I’m glad to make your acquaintance.”

He loved being deliberately informal with them. It messed with their heads so much.

“So, buy you a beer?”

“I’m sorry… Bruce…”

“Oh, gee! Forget I said it. Let me buy you a milkshake.”

Alcohol did nothing for them, besides a slight digestive upset, but milk, that was another story!

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Comments (5 so far!)

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  1. Avatar White Marvin

    the Alien is lactose intolerant. they all are!

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    lol, great prequel! I love that Bruce is still the heavy and the alien gets drunk on milk!

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Bizarre, a little hard to follow but really sets up a lot of information from a larger scope within a smaller interaction.

  4. Avatar Blossom Ruoquen (LoA)

    The title really caught me :P I especially like how the feel of your writing returned to the same humor at the end of this piece. I do agree with 0477 though, that in the first paragraph it was a little hard to follow – for me, in the second to last sentence (what’s the ‘this’ referred to?) Nonetheless a fun opener :D

  5. Avatar dkscully

    Bruce is a con man.

    He gets these terribly polite and trusting aliens drunk (on milk) and then takes them to the TV studios to be used as disposable extras.

Inspired by

A single bare bulb shines on a table where a figure slumps in a chair beside it, in handcuffs. A man enters in a dress shirt and slacks, gun ...

No Lie by ElshaHawk (LoA)

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