So, I suffocate and smile.

No one can know.

That’s the only way I can escape, when my dust is choking no one but me and they’re all looking up.

Following my flight, my fall, my fleeing.

I am tangled in their praises, their love and lust and forgiveness and I stumble.

Fated, weighted
down with care for them.
Stated intentions mean naught when I can’t stop my heart from beating.
My pulse has sped.
My cheeks are red.
I am falling
Fallen
sinful and sweet and too much.

I am in a maze, a rat trapped. A cat kept inside. As long as I don’t scratch they are kind, but don’t know.

Don’t know I want out. I want my wings to spread unseen; I want no one’s breath to catch when I drop; and I want to drop, to drown, to burn. To crash and cause no one pain because of it.

They won’t let me go, kisses keeping me aloft. Asking for reassurances keeps my mouth closed.

I can’t hurt them again. Never. Never. Never. I scream in my throat, tears caught in lashes, nails biting into palms.

I smile, and soar, and wish.