The Gospel of Jeff

Avatar Author: Kevin Lawver This time, it's mostly Jason's fault. He's the one who convinced me that we couldn't just leave well enough alone. He got the designers to donate their time, and wrote all the HTML, CSS and 95% of the javascript. I did... Read Bio

You’ve never heard of me. You don’t know the role (however small) I’ll play in the coming storm. I even wrote a book, but Paul didn’t think it was cool enough to include in the final draft. The Gospel of Jeff is a real page-turner, way better than any of the Corinthians. The worst? John left me and my sworn enemies out of Revelations altogether!

My name is Jeff Christ. Before you ask, yes, I’m His little brother. You thought you had it rough growing up? You have no idea. Try being constantly compared to a guy who can walk on water.

Never mind my childhood trauma. I’m here to warn you about my sworn enemies. See, my Brother asked me to wander the earth until he decides to come back. Do I get a kickass job fighting the Horsemen? No. I get to fight their younger brothers: the Four Hikers of the Apocalypse: Itch, Burn, Blister and Gas Pain. I trail them from hostel to campground trying to stop their evil plans. It’s a hard life, but He said I’d get to drive Elijah’s chariot if I win.

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Comments (12 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Pat J

    Itch, Burn, Blister, and Gas Pain would be a fantastic name for a rock band.

  2. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    man my wife is really ripping this piece up i had to finally stand up to her and grab the lamp and say,“You can not talk that way about one of Kevin Lawver’s stories, the man is like a god.”
    She charged and let out a kung fu wolf bitch scream as she hit me with a little league trophy.
    Dont listen to her anyway what do painters know?

  3. Avatar Kevin Lawver

    Actually, you should let her post a comment! I may be a god, but my stories are definitely not canon. ;)

  4. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    just needlin ya its a good story lol

  5. Avatar Marli

    This I like. Do your shoes have holes in them?Is that why you cannot walk on water like your brother? The profile picture doesn’t scare me either.lol

  6. Avatar Marli

    See. This one is better. If you add a bow tie and a smile its a story.

  7. Avatar K-Jellybean

    secret shy smiling
    whispers to self i like this.
    glances around furtively
    rates and runs away

  8. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    *notices all the bold text

    tries to make a bold asterisk*


    success?

  9. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    …woah…

    I broke the Matrix

  10. Avatar ethelthefrog

    Laugh-out-loud funny. Great prize, too. JC FTW!

    Nice take on the Incarnation.

  11. Avatar Kater

    The Gospel of Jeff, I cracked up. Darn that Paul and his not acknowledging Jeff!

  12. Avatar natalief

    ROFLMAO!

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