You’ve never heard of me. You don’t know the role (however small) I’ll play in the coming storm. I even wrote a book, but Paul didn’t think it was cool enough to include in the final draft. The Gospel of Jeff is a real page-turner, way better than any of the Corinthians. The worst? John left me and my sworn enemies out of Revelations altogether!

My name is Jeff Christ. Before you ask, yes, I’m His little brother. You thought you had it rough growing up? You have no idea. Try being constantly compared to a guy who can walk on water.

Never mind my childhood trauma. I’m here to warn you about my sworn enemies. See, my Brother asked me to wander the earth until he decides to come back. Do I get a kickass job fighting the Horsemen? No. I get to fight their younger brothers: the Four Hikers of the Apocalypse: Itch, Burn, Blister and Gas Pain. I trail them from hostel to campground trying to stop their evil plans. It’s a hard life, but He said I’d get to drive Elijah’s chariot if I win.