Revelation

Avatar Author: Silven I don't comment as much as I should. My somewhat low standards prevent me from offering proper criticism, sometimes, and when I enjoy a story I typically enjoy it *for* the story. Pointing out flaws in your work may aid y... Read Bio

Their lips met in an explosion of passion. No hesitation or second thoughts, no doubts or worries. Clothes were torn off and tossed away in the mad rush to explore more and more newly exposed skin. How long they spent that way, neither knew. All that mattered was the way she moaned when he nibbled at her neck and how he gasped when she pinched a very sensitive bit of his anatomy. But it was not enough.

Impatiently he pulled aside the red lace barrier between them. With a thrust of his hips, they were connected. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he pushed her roughly up against the wall. Their tongues danced in celebration of their lust.

But all good things must come to an end.

He pulled his lips away from hers and dragged them to her ear, and, as she went suddenly still, mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure, he whispered…

“I hate you.”

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Comments (10 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Silven

    A quick doodlydoo to help me get out of my less than pleasant mood.

  2. Avatar Jessica Cahill

    “Their tongues danced in celebration of their lust.” I loved this line.

    In the second to the last line, there’s a ‘his’ that should be ‘hers’…but regardless, it’s a good scene, and I hope it helps you get rid of the mood you’re in (or mebbe not, if it helps you write this well ;) ).

  3. Avatar Silven

    Thank you for bringing that to my attention~ Edited.

    I was actually wondering if that line would come off as kind of… corny. Nice to know it fits.

  4. Avatar Jessica Cahill

    I tend to find overly technical sex scenes to be lacking…unless there’s a reason for it story wise. That line was poetic, and it gave emotion to the scene.

  5. Avatar DoItForScience

    Now that hardly seems like an expression of hatred, but maybe that’s just me.

  6. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    sylven quit crying it aint that bad…oh i get it that is just an icon and it’s always craying. sorry i just woke up. i like the narrative.

  7. Avatar Tyrannical TeaCup

    What have I taught you, boy?! First sentence, “an”. :]

    On a serious note, I love this. Why? Because it is definitely something raw, left on the table for anybody. It’s great, and completely unexpected from you (for some reason). I mean, could you imagine ME writing something like this? Haha.

    On an even more serious note, reading this, I think many people would share a feeling, kind of similar to that of fear. It kind of speaks to people and in a way, rips at them. So far, I like this one most.

  8. Avatar Silven

    Edited again, Platy- I’m beginning to remember why I should not write when I’m tired.

    And yeah, this is way out of my normal style. It came to me in a kind of rush, so I sort of went with it. I definitely cannot imagine you writing something like it. But you should try.

  9. Avatar Revenant

    Cripes, dear.

    I definitely didn’t see that last line coming. It’s bitter, defining, and most of all brutal. It’s a bit of a slap in the face and quite frankly I think it works well.

    All in all, this is probably one of your best works.

  10. Avatar DeGuerre

    Excellent. I get it…

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