Regret in Reverse

Avatar Author: Brodo If you don't have anything critical to say, don't say anything. Seriously, Ficly is like a massive masturbatory exercise, and I want to improve as a writer. Read Bio

She looked around the cluttered room, and down at my sorry state. I held my breath.
“This is not…an optimal result”, she said after the longest pause.
Books and sketchpads littered the tiny one bed, one bath, pet-free, no smoking apartment with the lilac wallpapers and rusty piping.

I said nothing and looked into her eyes. She looked just like her, which was the whole point of the service I had carefully researched and paid for.

She extended her hand.
“There’s no going back, you know”, she said in a warning tone.
“That’s the point, isn’t it?” I replied.

Slowly, she crouched down to my level and looked me in the eye. I could hear the servos working to keep her balanced.
“It’ll just be an illusion. You won’t actually be there.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it?” I said again.

She looked human for a split second. Just a split second.
I felt the cold needle insert itself into my arm, and everything went black.

I awoke fourteen years earlier, a girl in my arms.

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Jesse Blake

    I’m very confused, but there’s some great lines in here.

    “She looked just like her”

  2. Avatar DoItForScience

    Scarily tempting. So many times have I wished to go back and try to fix a mistake I made with a girl or woman. I’m confused about the robot saying that something is not an optimal result. Also puzzled about the narrator’s desire to re-experience a past event while remaining separated from it. Any prequel coming?

    BTW, gotta agree with your bio.

  3. Avatar Stovohobo

    I think it was clear enough. I had to work a little to get it all, but in the end it was okay. In the instruction of your bio, I will point out a few things: I normally double-space every paragraph break, including dialogue—it seems to be easier on the eyes when reading (just ‘cause Ficly has no indent function). In this story, it might be because of character limit that you didn’t, I don’t know.

    Also, I might switch the 4th sentence around so it flows better, like …littered the tiny apartment—one bed, one bath, lilac wallpaper and rusty piping. You don’t have to; it could be just me.

    Besides that, it was pretty moody and put across a fitting cynical, wasted tone.

  4. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Ah, I got it. Lovely little piece and a nice thought piece on loss, mourning, and what it means to go back vs. move forward.

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