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Headgear

Your attitude adjustment apparatus has four main components: occipital clamp, dental anchors, and nasal/laryngial probes. Once or twice a week you will visit your therapist, who will help maintain your level of discomfort within acceptable range. While your headgear should automatically induce reactions to unacceptable behavior—ranging from sneezing to mild or moderate headache to sudden bouts of projectile vomiting—it also comes with a pair of remote controls, one for your parents and one for your vice principal, in case on-the-spot adjustment is necessary.

Eating—especially swallowing—may be problematic for the first week or two, and learning to sleep sitting up is often quite difficult. Most patients complete their course of treatment in six to eighteen months; for best results, watch as much television as possible, concentrate on breathing shallowly and deliberately, and keep any stray thoughts to yourself.

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