I sat in church, watching a bee drone lazily over a fake flower hat resting upon a crown of wispy blue hair. I hiccuped gently and directed my attention towards the crucifix above the altar. After a few minutes of fixated staring, I jumped slightly as I saw Jesus wink at me. I shook my head like wet dog and looked again. I sighed with relief upon seeing that he wasn’t winking, just waving. Imagine the scandal of Jesus winking at a heterosexual man!

I waved back with a friendly smile. Don’t want to offend people like that.

I turned to the woman next to me.

“That Jesus is a real friendly guy, I can see why you folks like him.”

With that I got up, plowed my way through the pews and made my way out the door.

I sat outside on the curb, blinking in the hot Arkansas sun. I took another swig out my hip flask and leaned my head back.

I never understood why all them Christians don’t like me, I mean, their God seems to like me quite a bit. You don’t see him waving at any of them.