Avatar Author: gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa Read Bio

He was one of many to first receive the apparatus. He had taken the full 18 months, but they told him that was good; it told them how to improve it for the next batch of maturing citizens.
He needed a second round of treatment. They had not been satisfied with his conduct after the first. It was more difficult, but in time he learned to live with the stronger punishments, & how to combat them: if he kept his thoughts concentrated on one topic, no matter what that topic was, he would be spared punishment, even if his spine would tingle once in a while.

In the dead of the night he snuck out of the house, battered guitar case in hand. It was so dark the attached camera couldn’t see a thing; all he had to do was remain focused on the task at hand.
Once he settled himself on the roof, he began to play, murmuring the words to his guitar: Blackbird singing in the dead of night…
The tingling grew more painful, but he gritted his teeth & continued…
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

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Comments (5 so far!)

  1. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Does someone want to relay to us what happens to this poor soul? What is his punishment for endulging himself in The Beatles and tricking The System?

  2. Avatar Kent Brewster

    Psst … you might want to think about fewer passive-voice constructions in this segment … I think all that “he was” and “he had taken” and “they had not been” filtration sort of gets in the way of the action.

  3. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    I used passive for most of this one because, in my mind, this sort of just… was. But you’re right, maybe it’d be better to do active from here on out, for this particular incident anyway.

  4. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Well, I played! Seems that something (hopefully) good did come from my mistake!

  5. Avatar Stovohobo

    I like how he cheats the system, and the horrible punishment system of the attitude correction headgear. Ugh.

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