Capricorn (12/22-1/19) You will get hurt before realizing that Oreos belong in the mouth

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/19) Many people will be mad at you for using a public fountain as a bath

Pisces (2/20 – 3/20) You will get half way through the Twilight series before realizing that it makes no sense

Aries (3/21 – 4/19) The tree gnomes will haunt you once again

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20) You will suddenly realize that all of your friends are really your cat’s

Gemini (5/21- 6/20) Your spouse will break up with you for using too much geek speak when in bed

Cancer (6/21- 7/22) You will suddenly realize you have been publishing your diary on this site

Leo (7/23 – 8/22) Tomorrow you will die so live your life to the fullest

Virgo (8/23- 9/22) Remember when we told you yesterday that you were going to die? Well we lied!

Libra (9/23-10/23) The care bears will come after you when you steal their remote

Scorpio (10/24 -11/22) Maybe you should try thinking instead of screaming

Sagittarius (11/23 – 12/21) The stars say “Hi”