Nightmare in the couldersack part 3 !

Avatar Author: Henjo Hello, my name is Henjo. I am intrested in writing, and really like to be creative. I hope you like my stories and can give me some feedback. Read Bio

Jack and his brother mark clambered into the silver car Jacks dad jumped in and eagerly rammed the key in his wife soon followed “Get yer belts on lads” he laughed in a jokey yet creepy voice he started up the car and reversed out the driveway missing the wall by inches. Jack had the urge to shout out Are we there yet but kept it in thinking about what trouble he would get into.

For what seemed like a hour and a half the car was silent and the 2 hour journey seemed like several they saw a sign the sign that made Jack’s face turn white with horror on the sign said in big letters ‘Two miles to cornwall’ he gripped his seat and nervously said “Dont go you will die” Mark turned to his left so he looked directly and Jack he gave a weak smile which soon turned into a full blown laugh causing his mum and dad to burst out aswell. A tear rolled down Jacks face he wiped his eyes with his sleeve and pretended not to notice. “We need to stop for some gas” his dad told him the car slowly stopped to a halt.
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Comments (3 so far!)

  1. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    Umm… “slowly stopped to a halt” is redundant.

    “Gently eased into a stop,” maybe.

  2. Avatar Henjo

    >.<

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    he rammed the key in his wife!! get some punctuation! proofread, proofread, proofread.. or go back and edit..
    the nightmare would make me nervous too..

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Nightmare in the couldersack part 2 ! by Henjo