Father to be: The meaning behind the words.

Avatar Author: Ath Read Bio

My daughter was born 32 days before my 19th birthday and, as you can imagine, the 18th year of my life was filled with dread and confusion. I had no idea what to do and all I could think about was my crazy family and my crazy childhood. Everyone in my family was hoping that my soon to be wife would get an abortion, they thought we were “stupid” and “morons” and all sorts of other colorful things. No one seemed the least bit happy that they were about to have a niece, grandchild, cousin; none seemed to care about a human life. I never knew my dad too well, he had me at 18 and walked out 3 years later after my sister was born, he had always paid child support and would see us occasionally. This was the man I felt compelled to talk to not because he was a great father but because he did what he had to do. I was wrong. He told me how my birth ruined his life. He said he was telling me this man to man and we haven’t spoken since. My daughter will soon be six and is every bit of wonderful. I smile everyday now :)

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  1. Avatar Krulltar

    I am in awe, not at your struggles and mistakes that were made, but at your courage and tenacity to become a man. Not everyone realizes that life is a sacred and beautiful thing, to be nurtured and cherished at every possible moment.

  2. Avatar emily.ruth

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It is wonderful to know that there are guys and men out there with the strength to do the right thing.

  3. Avatar Raegan Dauterive

    I agree 100% with terriblebeauty :)

  4. Avatar Ath

    Thanks, I appreciate everything you’ve all said.

  5. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Thanks for sharing. That sort of feeling from parent to child (your dad’s) is tragically common and very hurtful. I don’t they said it outright, but my own dad got that sense from his parents. Glad to hear it sounds like you’re trying not to repeat the issues.

  6. Avatar Coccinella

    Wow – well done on going back and capturing all that teenage immediacy and feeling in the first piece. It didn’t let on for a second the breadth of critical distance you reveal here. Not sure whether I’m expressing this clearly, but I find it fascinating and impressive that you stepped out of your present reality in order to capture for us that past drama. Well done, and thank you for trusting this audience with such deeply personal stories.

  7. Avatar Coccinella

    Wow – well done on going back and capturing all that teenage immediacy and feeling in the first piece. It didn’t let on for a second the breadth of critical distance you reveal here. Not sure whether I’m expressing this clearly, but I find it fascinating and impressive that you stepped out of your present reality in order to capture for us that past drama. Well done, and thank you for trusting this audience with such deeply personal stories.

  8. Avatar Coccinella

    (and have no idea why that lengthy comment got itself posted twice!)

  9. Avatar Ath

    Cocci, It’s almost like speaking into the dark. I’m not sure if i’d be able to read this to a group sitting in front of me, but letting it out on here where we are separated the way we are makes it easier. I have read a lot your guys’ stories since joining and that helped too, knowing that a lot of you have opened up in a lot of ways and also because you are all fellow writers, as you have proven through your own posts, which brings the comfort level up in that respect as well. Thank you for the kind words.

    The original post was written years ago and is what I can remember of it. The second and third were written in the now and actually helped me out a lot on a personal level, because I have never tried to look deeply into the original song/poem. I wrote it, never gave it to him, and just tucked it away. I know where most all of my past writing is but not this piece and it wouldn’t surprise me if I “lost” it on purpose.

    With that said, thank YOU guys for letting me share this.

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Father to be. by Ath

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