Wendell Beeks arrived on stegosaurus. The second he dismounted Hanna began to make a scene, starting an animal rights tirade which proved to be her narration for the whole evening. It was spurred by Wendell’s saddle apparatus, which was affixed snugly between two rows of his steed’s spines. He appeared to have carved away two of the plates along the animal’s back to provide a comfortable mount for himself, in a way that its natural armor with the help of adjustable leather straps both cradled his back and waist and ensured safe riding. Wendell later told me that the memory foam cushioning lining the saddle was designed with the help of his cousin Katya, who was an orthopedist.

Now I would never be one to support the mistreatment of creatures, prehistoric, fantasy, or otherwise, but Wendell didn’t seem the type. He had shaved the beast’s spines back, that was certain, but I am sure stegosaurus armor contains no nerves, like our fingernails. Besides, the animal is more than capable of defending itself.