It had been days since I had gotten pet food.

I told myself over and over to stop at the Pet Store but I kept on forgetting. Crap. It wasn’t exactly healthy to feed your pet real food, as the vet kept on telling me, but I did it anyway. Besides, she loved the scraps I fed her. She scrounged for them at night, when she didn’t think I was awake.

Obviously I was horrible for not taking care of my pet well. But I hadn’t been the one who wanted her. Natty had just dropped her on my doorstep one evening, with a note that said: “Keep it!”

Damn her.

She had been so darn cute when she was first here. Her little pudgy cheeks, little nose, little things off her hands that were useless. She didn’t have claws, she didn’t have a good sense of smell, she didn’t even have a tail. Tails are very useful for balancing. Oh, and her night vision was horrible.

But there was a new pet competition coming up. I looked it over. Under the “Pets R Us!” sign there was a smaller heading, which read:

“Any breed of human may enter.”