Stories tagged “comedy”

  • Pantsing the Naked Singularity

    “How do you plan on killing death, then?” “Have you heard of a ‘naked singularity’?” “Umm, no. Do I want to?” “Yes. It’s a black hole that’s built up so much hydrogen around it that it n...

    • Author: Kevin Lawver
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • How to Tilt at Windmills

    “This is a skill I’m never going to need, old man.” Don Quixote wasn’t one to be discouraged by an unwilling student. “Nonsense, my good friend. One must always be prepared for battle, even in the most unlikely of places.&...

    • Author: Acantha
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • One-point-four-zero-five times Ten to the Tenth Power

    Man was never meant to fly. I know that. Intimately well, actually. Hell, that’s why I decided to prove them wrong. Yeah, it didn’t work out so well. Who would have thought the issue would be how to get down? Also, it’s boring as hell...

    • Author: Acantha
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Das Milkshake

    “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” Hans pointed down the street at the small group of young men heading their way, gesturing with his chocolate shake. “What?” Dan looked up from his lawn mower and wondered why Hans ...

    • Author: Kevin Lawver
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • You Don't Always Need Protection (Mature)

    They embraced. She started to kiss him, moving down to his neck. He pulled away. “Honey,” he said, “Shouldn’t I…” He pulled out a little square wrapper from his pocket. She looked at him frankly. “Babe,”...

  • weekend with the inlaws (Mature)

    It was at that point he realised that maybe he had gone too far. Sure, it was an accident – a terrible thing to have done, but in his mind there was no other option. He could’ve hidden it elsewhere, but at that time the kitchen fridge seeme...

  • Lord of the Fly (Mature)

    The fair maiden looked at her Lord longingly as she wiped her chin with her sleeve and widened her sultry smile. “Off with you now. Your King has pressing matters to attend to lass.” He paused for a moment, quivered, regained his composure ...

    • Author: Meiz
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob

    Dear God, Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Egg is always a treat. I didn’t mean what I said when that velociraptor was after me. Next time it might be nice if she didn’t catch me at her nest, though. No hard feelings? Amen, Caveman Bob

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • First time (Mature)

    Well there she is, my first lay after 23 years of biding my time, being nice, coming up with neat and clever things to say… Here I am on my momentous occasion being the one who’s up for some reason as she slumbers there like a wet whoopee c...

    • Author: Meiz
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Schizo-friendly-a

    “How are things?” said Walter as he took a seat at the old wooden table. “You know, i can’t complain.” replied the man seated across from him. “That’s good to hear.” said Walter, smiling. “I’m...

    • Author: Grim Outlook
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob 3

    Dear God, Thank you for the white rocks I found the other day. I discovered that I could use them to make marks on the wall. They work much better than mud. Amen, Caveman Bob

    • Author: Kitsuta
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveboy Billy

    Dear God, Please bless Daddy Bob, Momma Jane, Little Sister Mary, and Cave-neighbor Sue because Oh God is she hot now that she has boobs! How do I get her to stop throwing rocks at me? Amen, Caveboy Billy Oh yeah, and I’m not asking Dad any more ...

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Cavewoman Jane

    Dear God, Today little Mary broke our best gourd bowl over Billy’s head because he told her she threw spears like a girl. So I was thinking, you know— Two kids is enough, right? In Your Hands, Cavewoman Jane

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Why I Was Arrested

    So, it all started when I was in a club dancing with a girl. Well, more of a woman than a girl, really. A mature lady. And dancing probably isn’t the right term. More like flailing. And when I say ‘with’, I mean in the general proximi...

    • Author: Spiderj
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Cavegirl Mary

    Dear God, Mamma Jane got really mad at me yesterday for hitting Billy over the head with a bowl. She said I should apologize to you, so I’m sorry and I’ll be a good girl from now on. Amen, Cavegirl Mary If I behave for long enough, I get to...

    • Author: Kitsuta
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob 4

    Dear God, Please help me keep my mouth shut tomorrow at the gathering when those pricks from across the valley start going on about how their great-great-great-grandfather invented fire, which we all know he didn’t. You invented fire. Amen, Cavem...

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Socially Unacceptable

    “Disgusting! Can you do that somewhere else,” the woman asked, walking slightly faster as she eyed the man sitting on the courthouse steps. Society no longer cares for the smokers. They huddle outside in their designated areas, enduring all...

    • Author: Skitchen
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Cavewoman Jane

    Dear God, I gotta tell you, I am getting tired of all these dinosaurs. The other day I swear I saw a velociraptor hanging around outside. There are just so many of the ugly things, and so many of them are so BIG! Even the peaceful ones are as likely to...

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
  • Orange

    Brother Neimus bowed his shaved head to Brother Paulus as he passed him on the way from evening prayers. The scent of citrus blossoms wafted through the stone arch windows. He paused and glanced out at the acres of neatly-tilled fields. Curious, he saw...

  • Fred's Day

    And it came to pass that the Reverend Pastor Fred Waldron Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, died and went unto his heavenly reward. Verily, Fred had prayed and worked hard his whole life. “I’ve done it all, Lord. I’ve cursed and ...

    • Author: Petros
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Cousin Spot, this really is too much!

    The only evidence was in the toaster. Wait. That’s not entirely true. The only evidence was also oozing out of the toaster and seemed to be increasing in quantity. Moments before, Algernon had dropped a fresh crumpet into the toaster and pushed t...

    • Author: Petros
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • In these here parts, a tolerable day.

    Clarice ran. It was catching up. The shambling horror that had pursued her throughout the night was right behind her now. “Help”, she sobbed, through her rasping, gasping breathing. “Help Me!” Her pursuer remained just out of si...

    • Author: Petros
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
  • It's hard being a girl and a super hero.

    The Medical Mutant looked dourly down at the city. This was definitely going to suck. Some fool of a villain calling himself The Apothecarian (not a real word) had decided to put white Phosphorus in the water system. Among other things, ingesting this ...

  • A silver lining, oh yes I should think so...

    Any successful execution by firing squad results in just one thing: a healthy corpse. In this regard at least, today’s effort was a stunning success. Those present: myself, a small group of onlookers, three marksmen and a miscreant tied to a pole...

    • Author: Petros
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 3 out of 5
  • The Gospel of Jeff

    You’ve never heard of me. You don’t know the role (however small) I’ll play in the coming storm. I even wrote a book, but Paul didn’t think it was cool enough to include in the final draft. The Gospel of Jeff is a real page-turn...

    • Author: Kevin Lawver
    • Posted almost 8 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5