Stories tagged “comedy”
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The Gifts....2
I heard a loud crackly bad voice from my big sisters room. She has the best gift but she could never use it. She could memorize any songs lyrics! She doesn’t realize how lucky she is! All I have is levitation. What could you possibly use levitati...
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Spaceship tragedies
“Rear engines are down, weapons are offline and there is a fire in the engine room” said brian, “Any suggestions?” replied dave “well for one you could watch how you are holding your coffee” “…..Oh shit&#...
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Movie Groovy
During the shoot of an epic comic-book film adaptation, the lead actor was getting jangly nerves. Thinking of scathing Empire reviews, angry vloggers yelling into static cameras, annoyed Twitterers writing “dat film waz WELL shit lol =D”, a...
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AN EPIC TALE (in just 23 words)
“Borgdo! You must go to Wisadil and destroy the villian that plagues North-West Earth!” Five weeks later… “Sorry, Dangalf. I’m evil now!”
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Before The Damsel...
We begin our story by introducing Our Hero of the story. And we meet him at what at first seems like a bad time… Our hero has spent the past week in a deep funk. His girlfriend of 13 months has broken up with him, for reasons he doesn’t ful...
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Legs
Jeff was fucking bored. It had been one week, two books and a season of X-Files since he broke both his legs. Not that he broke his legs. That fucking kid was really to blame. Always leaving his trains out, no matter how many times he told him to put t...
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love in the time of Kebabs
Steve was drunk, again. It was 2 am, he had no idea where his mates were. All he knew was he was starving! He headed to Abra Kebabra & ordered a large pepperoni pizza. It was then he saw her, she was gorgeous. She was perhaps the most beautiful gi...
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Todd: The Genius
Looking up from his microscope every minute or so to jot a note on the yellow pad, Fred worked with intense focus. His lab coat had some grunge stains on it from outside. He’d dropped his keys and, as chaos dictates, they found a way to land under hi...
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Rock 'Em Gauntlet
I went in there that night looking for trouble. I sat alone at the bar and ordered a bowl of Skittles. Damn rainbow of goodness. The guy behind the counter looked like he could handle himself in a fight. He had a certain menacing quality to him. The he...
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Sex for a Year
Day 1: January 26, 2010 When I awoke at 6:45 AM, my first thoughts were about the neurologist’s appointment I had with Dr. Herzog at the Texas Neurologist Associate’s building in Suite 100. It’s lovely to start one’s day with the idea (drawn fr...
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Drunk Pussy
The pussy wants to be fed again. “Feed it to me again, meow” “Pussy, you’re starting to smell like tuna. I think you’ve had enough, woof” “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough, meow”. She squirm...
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Let's go pick up, buddy
So you think, “what the hell,” & take your new sexy shark buddy to the hottest bar in town: The Lava Licker. Still being nude, the shark garners plenty of cat-calls: “Show us your claspers!” “Hey baby, you wanna…...
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And On The 8th Day...
“Dear God, what is that?” “What do you mean?” “I mean that thing that’s on your head.” “Oh, this? Pope hat.” “I… I don’t think most papal hats have naked women on them.” R...
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Sounds Easy Enough...
“Things to do…” he said to himself, trailing off slightly as he finished writing. “Number one…find… secret… pirate… treasure.” He glanced over his shoulder at the armchair in the corner, which sat a...
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Walt's Turning Over in His Grave
“Thank God Belle, you’re still here. You’ve gotta help me.” “Why?” “I’m late, I’m late! For a very important date. My first date ever, actually. Lend me your car?” “Sure. When hell freez...
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HUNTER
Seventeen year-old Hunter S. Thompson was a near-mythological persona. His name was always uttered with a kind of trepidation – at least, uttered by those who knew that his existence was a fact – but always with a sense of respect. His know...
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Plotting
“Well now… this won’t do…” His soft round features were heavily marred by the vicious scowl. Contemptuously, he tossed the slim folder onto his desk. The greasy looking personage standing before him grinned hopefully. Pull...
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Saved by the Priest.
“…speak now or forever hold your peace.” A man on the right side of the room stands up and yells: “The groom is six pounds of assholes stuffed into a douche bag, does that count?” Woman on the left side: “The bride is really...
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HUNTER: Gaining Entry
Hunter knocked on the door to Kramer’s mansion 5 times, then stopped and waited for a response. As was usual for him, he began to eye up the mansion and its environs, so he could apply himself to the surroundings. The mansion: a red brick structu...
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Don't Quit your day job.
The wizard walked up to the door and hit it a few times with his staff. Nothing. He gave it a small push with his hand – still nothing. But, you have to check. Few things are worse than spending hours casting all kinds of spells only to find out tha...
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Stonehenge: SOLVED!
I want revenge Because I know the real reason for Stonehenge. Bear with me Cause this one’s a grizzly! Aliens landed upon our planet, Crafted a great calendar out of granite, Then altered mankind’s mind! Making sure it was simpleton By comparis...
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Practical lessons in physics
As it turns out, man was never meant to fall to the ground as fast as I was dropping. And precisely because of that, you have no previous experience on the matter, and few solutions to the inevitable problem (in this case, the ground) come to mind. Wha...
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47 Minutes with Hugh Vance
Hugh Vance is three-fourths Raskolnikov and four-fifths Sindbad the Sailor. There’s some overlap there, yes. He is also one-sixteenth Cherokee which explains his cheekbones but not his public hobbies. The Byronic hero he longed to be was more flummox...
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The World's Most Dangerous Document
The document contains verbiage that could bring catastrophe to millions. The proper, or front, side of the page contains three paragraphs of text, double-spaced in Times New Roman, which describe a rather ordinary policy concerning a zoning ordinance. ...