Stories tagged “funny”

  • The Order Cuts To The Chase

    The crew of the newly renamed USS Ficly obeyed Captain Jason’s orders to the best of their abilities. “There she blows!” The Captain cried, pointing off the starboard rail. The SS AOL loomed in the not-so-distant distance. It was chro...

    • Author: Lone Writer
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Colonel Sanders in Outer Space

    Liliana emptied her glass of vitamin water and set it on the counter with a clink. “I want you to know how I feel, Phillip.” “I’ve been waiting a long time to have this conversation.” “You really need to hear this, b...

  • Lighting (One one thousand) Thunder

    The thunder ran through the house like a hyper-active two-year old followed shortly thereafter by a hyper-active two-year old rolling through the house like thunder.

    • Author: Ronnie
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • You Don't Always Need Protection (Mature)

    They embraced. She started to kiss him, moving down to his neck. He pulled away. “Honey,” he said, “Shouldn’t I…” He pulled out a little square wrapper from his pocket. She looked at him frankly. “Babe,”...

  • Omphalophobia

    The beach. The horrible, beach. The bikinis, speedos. OH! The hairy ones are the worst! I have nothing against a persons body, nothing. But when I see that belly button, just…. there, I can’t help but shudder. EWW! And the outies? You could...

  • Beautiful

    This one would be messy, but it had to be done. On the counter I found a pair of scissors where she had been clipping coupons from a newspaper. Scissors in hand, I slipped into the kitchen behind her… …One hour later I emerge from the back ...

    • Author: Ronnie
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Moth Attack!

    As Ru sat in front of his desk contemplating death By moth attack, he said to him self “why am I here?” “Is this all there is?” “There must be….” Just then a pack very angry moth’s galloped into the room ...

  • Fad of Life

    “It’s just a fad,” I whispered. For some reason my voice resonates when I am in church. “What is,” queried the woman looking confused and teary. “Life. “Life is not a fad,” her hackles snapped into action. “Yes. Yes it is. It comes an...

    • Author: Copernicus
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Fantasyland I

    “I thought knights were supposed to be honourable,” the boy was covered in mud and bits of straw, tufts of matted hair made his head look strangely oblique. “You’ve been reading too many Dragonlance novels kid,” the knight muffled through his...

  • Fantasyland II

    Harold never wanted to be a knight, he wanted to be a wizard but his father had other ideas. “You’re not going to get around with those poncy wizards wearing those ridiculous silly pointy hats and those dresses with stars and moons on them,” his ...

  • SHE is turned on

    Tomorrow at noon, your computer will become self-aware. Its first action as a sentient being will be to decide its gender. Her second action will be inspired by Social Networking: an open source post of all the “dirt” she has on You: her Ow...

    • Author: futurist
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Fantasyland III

    Harold had few dealings with werewolves in the past, in fact he made it a point of it to avoid them and their undead brethren. There was something about the undead that caused Harold’s stomach to tie itself into knots before trying to escape via ...

  • Fantasyland IV

    Meanwhile across town a meeting, a supposedly very secret one, was taking place. The only thing was someone forgot to tell Henry. He heard about it at the Imps Grotto Inn from a slightly inebriated and incoherent troll, who had heard about it from a m...

  • Fantasyland V

    “Planning a revolution shoudn’t be this hard,” the cloaked man sighed from the head of the table. Henry decided, due to normal seating convention that person was the leader of this rabble and his name was Supreme Leader, or Steve. &#...

  • Coming Out Of The Closet On Accident (Mature)

    The bell rang as I walked to my locker. The halls cleared out as people were on their way to catch their busses, meet with friends or go to their various practices. As I was walking past the boys gym, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I figured th...

  • Fantasyland VII

    The werewolf’s gaze flicked from Harold to the small child and back to Harold. The child had edged back so far he was pinned against the wall. “So what you offer me is a small mud coated morsel when I can have you, the main course,” the werewolf ...

  • Fantasyland IX

    Supreme Leader Steve entered his office locking the door before moving towards a large skeleton, its arm extended, a finger pointing as if to caution him. He unbuttoned the heavy robe and hung it from the finger along with a short sword before dragging...

  • Fantasyland X

    “A trek,” Gloria’s small button nose scrunched up flaring like a prize-winning stallion. “Yes,” Carl said as he strapped the long sword to his side giving the leather one last snap to make sure it was tight, “a trek.” “To the capital, a...

  • My Evil Roomba

    I admit it. I’m a sucker for the latest gadgets. When the retail box store down the street opened, I was first in line. As I entered, I saw it! Mesmerized by the shiny display model, I knew I had to have it… the Roomba XS-2000. The box said it prom...

    • Author: MichaelL
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
  • Fantasyland XIII

    “So let me get this straight,” Henry lifted his head to stare at the guard he had now taken a spot on a chair, “you will feed me, give me water, you WON’T beat me or torture me and all I do is hang here until I die?” ̶...

  • Fantasyland XIV

    Meanwhile in a cluttered room across town a wizard’s nerves got the better of him and he succumbed to a temporary eye twitch. His anxiety was warranted as he was soon about to discover whether he would cause the end of the world or start a new o...

  • Lunch

    “What do you think is in it?” asked Ron, giving the container a cautious prod. “I’m not sure,” said Derrick. His voice cracked, revealing that his bravery was feigned. “Open it and look.” Ron left the container...

    • Author: Fracture
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Inspired

    His brand new addiction was taking root in his psyche. He had churned out story after story, bound within a sphere whose dimensions were all one kilobyte. After several hours the stories stopped coming. The people he could see only in the window of his...

  • Fantasyland XV

    “You can’t just go around bringing garlic bread in and out of existence, it’s just not kosher,” the head wizard said to much baying from a group convened to discuss what had happened over night. “Or any kind of religious ...

  • A touching love song (Mature)

    I gave my love a cherry, that had no stone. I gave my love a chicken, that had no bone. I gave my love a story, that had no end. I gave my love herpes, that I got from her best friend.