Stories tagged “humor”

  • The Order Cuts To The Chase

    The crew of the newly renamed USS Ficly obeyed Captain Jason’s orders to the best of their abilities. “There she blows!” The Captain cried, pointing off the starboard rail. The SS AOL loomed in the not-so-distant distance. It was chro...

    • Author: Lone Writer
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Explanation

    Why am I here? Why are you here? I want to go back home? Well, don’t we all, you say, so nonchalantly But you just don’t understand I’m a long way from home I explain But you don’t know how far You Don’t Get It I farther away than you are I

    • Author: Oy
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Jesus is coming, look busy....

    “He’s coming,” said the voice. “Who?” I asked. “Jesus is coming,” said the voice. I chuckled. I should look busy, then? I laughed. That bumper sticker is awesome. “He can’t come back until your father lets him,” said the voice. “Y...

  • First Contact

    Mankind’s first contact with aliens was not a ceremonious affair. There were no fanfares, no parades, no celebrations. On the other hand, there were also no ominous ships in the sky or aliens with very dated-looking Ray Guns vaporizing humans wit...

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • The Vertigo Vigilante

    Darren Hardly wanted to be a superhero. He fit the bill nicely – he was tall and muscular, with that perfect jawline you only see in comic books, the kind you could use to open tins with. He was strong, intelligent, and he could run remarkably fa...

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Into Battle

    He could see the fear in their eyes they were all crouched down. He knew that this would be a tough one. He boomed in his deep soft north English voice “OK you two take the left flank, and you two take the right flank. I will take the front door&...

    • Author: ernmander
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Darkened Sarah

    Darkened Sarah was not afraid. To win the heart of her true love, she had to kill the Shattered King once and for all. Keeping that in mind kept all fear away. Darkened Sarah was not worried that she would fail. Two years spent gathering every tidbit a...

    • Author: Vail Indigo
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Why I write Poetry

    sometimes i write poetry because it is easier no need to form complete … you can ignore all rules of grammar:: and spellling and it is considered art

    • Author: Oy
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • On the Subject of the Morning After

    “No,” said Seb. “There’s much more to life than just sleeping around.” “You’re right,” Mark replied, smiling. “There’s sneaking out before they wake up again.” He took a sip of his pint....

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Grammar-Man Vs. The Mayor!

    The Mayor stood by the window, looking out at the city below. “I’m sorry, Grammar-Man, but this don’t fly.” “This doesn’t fly,” said Grammar-Man. “Shut up,” snapped the Mayor. "You’ve sav...

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dark Chocolate

    “There’s no two ways about it,” said his lawyer. “You’re gonna have to settle.” Charlie sunk his head into his hands and groaned. Here he was, barely three days into the job, and he’d been faced with four class...

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Tempis Fuggit

    By his twenty-fifth birthday, Jim knew exactly how he was going to die. Twenty-three years from now, he would be bludgeoned to death with a frying pan after drinking the last beer of his already extremely annoyed erstwhile room-mate. “Wow, just a...

  • Agency 51-X

    It was the most impressive undertaking the government had ever been part of. In 1997 President Clinton set up an agency with a cool-sounding name to monitor alien traffic going to and from the planet, because he’d just seen “Men In Black...

  • Carbon Monoxide All Around!

    “So now that we have discovered Earth and its glaborious wonderworkings, how shall we greet them, O Most Sugary Overlord?” Zamboblion hummed. “I would think a Celebratory Mercury Shower to be most appropriate.” “Computing,...

    • Author: Stovohobo
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Plight of the Caveman

    It had not been a great day for Ugh so far. It started when a bear lurched into his cave, and decided it was a rather nice cave all things considered, and that actually Ugh was the only thing in the cave he didn’t like, and so had attacked him. U...

    • Author: Ben Paddon
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob

    Dear God, Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Egg is always a treat. I didn’t mean what I said when that velociraptor was after me. Next time it might be nice if she didn’t catch me at her nest, though. No hard feelings? Amen, Caveman Bob

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Ain't it grand?

    Ain’t it grand, she said, admiring the fine, smooth synthetic skin. Ain’t it fine, she grinned, showing off the perfectly coiffured silicon hair. Its voice was low and calming as the mouth moved and smiled realisitically. It shook hands wit...

  • This Is A True Story, It Really Happened (Mature)

    No one is going to believe this. I don’t even believe this. I’ve found a dinosaur. An honest to god fucking dinosaur. The extinct kind! Well, not extinct, I suppose. This one is alive. I think it saw me! I’m not sure what species it i...

    • Author: Vann Diras
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 4 out of 5
  • Schizo-friendly-a

    “How are things?” said Walter as he took a seat at the old wooden table. “You know, i can’t complain.” replied the man seated across from him. “That’s good to hear.” said Walter, smiling. “I’m...

  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob 3

    Dear God, Thank you for the white rocks I found the other day. I discovered that I could use them to make marks on the wall. They work much better than mud. Amen, Caveman Bob

    • Author: Kitsuta
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveboy Billy

    Dear God, Please bless Daddy Bob, Momma Jane, Little Sister Mary, and Cave-neighbor Sue because Oh God is she hot now that she has boobs! How do I get her to stop throwing rocks at me? Amen, Caveboy Billy Oh yeah, and I’m not asking Dad any more ...

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Cavewoman Jane

    Dear God, Today little Mary broke our best gourd bowl over Billy’s head because he told her she threw spears like a girl. So I was thinking, you know— Two kids is enough, right? In Your Hands, Cavewoman Jane

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Cavegirl Mary

    Dear God, Mamma Jane got really mad at me yesterday for hitting Billy over the head with a bowl. She said I should apologize to you, so I’m sorry and I’ll be a good girl from now on. Amen, Cavegirl Mary If I behave for long enough, I get to...

    • Author: Kitsuta
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
  • Zombies in the Internet

    BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN: Through some programmer’s error, the legendary zombie code was added to the Google Homepage. The code reads: Embed /creatures/virtualize/zombie.undead Nowhere is safe. Disconect your servers. Write your stories with pen an...

    • Author: Oy
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 3 out of 5
  • Dear God, from Caveman Bob 4

    Dear God, Please help me keep my mouth shut tomorrow at the gathering when those pricks from across the valley start going on about how their great-great-great-grandfather invented fire, which we all know he didn’t. You invented fire. Amen, Cavem...

    • Author: MrsMica
    • Posted over 9 years ago.
    • 5 out of 5