Stories tagged “pants”
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The Good For Nothing Detective: Jones Missing Pants
“May I offer you some tea?” Detective Jones stood from behind the bench, making his way to the window. Where sat two sets of books, and a kettle on a hot stove. “Mr. Jones why are you not wearing any pants and further more where is your pants?
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The Object Of Love Part II
James ordered the two biggest scoops from the parlor; he then waddled from side to side trying not to spill the chocolate, vanilla, strawberry blast all over his pants. Lane would not let him forget that if he did spill it, making fun of his ability t...
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Morning Messenger After Mead
Dawn had scarcely chased the revelers back to more private quarters when Kylun heard the rap at his door. Too foggy with sleep to be either excited or annoyed he trudged from his simple cot to answer the insistent knocking. Even the dim light of mornin...
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EotB: Last Man Sitting
At this point I considered breakfast. You’d be surprised how quickly SPAM loses its novelty. After 3 months of the stuff, I was more inclined to build a fort out of the remaining cans (87) than open one and brave the pink horrors within. But I still ...
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EotB: Wayfarer
I had a lazy morning. I ate my first bag of Doritos (29 left) and watched Friends. I really can’t stand that Ross guy. Eventually I figured I didn’t have any excuse for not stretching my legs, so I got dressed: big old duster coat for pretending to...
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EotB: Alone in the Aftermath
To call it ‘afternoon’ would have implied the sun was visible below its zenith. I preferred to think of it as ‘slightly dimmer day’ – given that the light was a horrible, diffused gray, streaming through the omnipresent ash. The sun was AWOL ...
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EotB: Cleanup in Aisle Five
This hadn’t been an especially bad place. Sure, certain parts of it needed a good bulldozing, or maybe a casually thrown molotov, but on the whole, it didn’t deserve the whole nuclear annihilation thing. It had two-bedroom homes with aluminum sidi...
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EotB: Alone in the Interim
Being the kind of person who would willingly convert a perfectly normal backyard (patio, wading pool and a crappy shanty I had once hoped to turn into a sexy sauna) into a state-of-the-art bomb shelter, I had read a few speculative fictions. Most of th...
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EotB - The last Bacon-Ranch
I was puzzled as to its origins. I couldn’t decide whether it had been a normal piggy, somehow protected from the bombs but eventually mutated, or – and this is where skepticism and science-fiction appear – if it had beenin the grocery’s i...
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Oh Pants
The airport security office served as a poor interrogation room, but Dayton International wasn’t exactly a bustling hub of anything. Agent Lefleur sighed and angled his hulking frame into the room. The chair creaked warily as he plopped down acro...
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The Quest For Sur Pants
In the district of Albula in the canton of Graubünden in Switzerland lies the isolated village of Sur, an unremarkable place and the most unlikely destination one could imagine if they were observing a traditionally garbed arab fellow walking along th...
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Sir Pants Reads the Dictionary
Sir Pants turned to the Ps in the dictionary. There was more than one definition. It was having an identity crisis. It began to hyperventilate.
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Resale Value
Packed up and ready for the ol’ collection dumpster. I bet I’m losing about something shy of 400 bucks on this but that’s the burden of pragmatism. How do you sell all those pants? Drive to fourteen different locations and sell differ...