Stories tagged “rant”
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Hunger at 39,000 feet.
“’What’s the deal with airline food’ That line seems to be one of those that people immediately think of if you mention stand-up comedians, but I can’t say I’ve ever actually heard the joke. What is the deal with it,...
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ZIPPERS! Zippers, people!
I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but what happens to people in cars that deducts 50% of their civility score? Why is it that drivers not only feel empowered to not merge right when the first sign goes up (and drive all the way to the narro...
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Mr. Man Of The Year
Are you really that important? Is it a necessity to be in constant contact with someone? People need to stop text messaging at inopportune times. It’s annoying, disrespectful, and outright rude to those around you. Especially if you are in a lect...
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Dancefloor Manners, Version the Second
Let me explain something to you. I’ll use small words so you can understand. “No, thank you,” meant, “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” When you asked me to dance, I was polite. (Sidenote, why do they even call it dancing anymore? It is h...
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Poetic Rant
There’s a theory, often stated That rules are made to be broken But then, there’s those folks who never bother. Artistry is not defined by breaking of the rules, No more than by the following. Blindness, whether in obedience or dis, is stil...
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One Step Closer
There comes a time when every shy geek must break, and these times are frequently heralded by inspired, polysyllabic speeches in the fashion of Jean-Luc Picard, had he spent more quality time with Leonard H. McCoy. James, for one, had seen more than en...
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Mayor's lament
It’s not easy being mayor of this city. It wasn’t always like this, fighting in the streets, property damage in the millions, the entire world knowing who you are and what city you’re mayor of. Oh sure, the entire world thinks this wo...
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Behind Barbed Wire
They knew I was innocent. But I was convicted anyway. And why, why did they convict me when I didn’t do it. They knew it wasn’t me. I couldn’t do it if I tried. It was him. He did it, it was always him. And yet you convict me anyway. ...
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Why, Why, Why, Why, WHY, Is The X Factor So Damn Popular?!
It’s The Gong Show’s fault. It started this whole stupid trend of singing competition reality TV shows… I see it this way: The Gong Show begat Pop Starz. Pop Starz begat Pop Starz: The Rivals. Pop Starz: The Rivals begat Pop Idol. Po...
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Subject: Apology
To: Benjamin Wood I have been instructed to apologise for my thoughtless rant. I have also been ordered to persuade you to email me. My parents say that I have been incredibly rude. But to be honest I think you were ruder. All I said was that I was ann...
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The bitter light of day
“Wow! You came. Everybody, everybody. After three, say: What the fuck are you doing here?” Gram swirled a brandy around a deep glass watching light from the spotlight refract patterns of non existent Morse code; SHUT UP, SMILE, WALK AWAY. H...
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Above The Cutting Edge
(MC T picks up the mic. It feels cold and alien to his touch— far from the warm energy and sweaty palm residue it once had.) This new stream of piss and grits Comes from a long list of sh*t that I’ll never quit I’m deeply into it Like...