My friends, it is time now for us to take a trip down memory lane.
Remember when your parents would read you fairy tales?
The Princess and the Pea?
The Frog Prince?

Oh yes, those were the days.
Now imagine, my friends, that you took those stories, lit them on fire, urinated on them and then force fed the to a homeless man only to use the waste produced by said force-feeding to create childrens stories so morbid, so utterly dark and disgusting that it ceases to be a childs story and instead turns into what I like to call a Struwwelpeter.

Henreich Hoffman was a German author who, in the earlies years of modern civilization, wrote a series of terrible dank, twisted children’s stories called “Struwwelpeter”.
You can read them here: http://bit.ly/d0MH9y

Your mission, comrades, is to write a story in the style of Struwwelpeter.

Winner will be decided based on twisted-ness, language used (keep it old time-y) and how well the rhyme scheme works.

NOW GO MY CRAZED CHILDREN AND WRITE!