Wow, thats really good. I like this one a lot!

I really like it. I think the story would work better if you got rid of “Um hi,” he stumbles. because he has already said hey babe.

i think maybe you missed the “s”. “Um hi,” he stumbles. would work better if it was “Um hi,” she stumbles.

I love how she turned the tables and used a pick up line on him. Great work.

I’d think he would have better luck without the fart line.