Nicely set piece. I can almost see the slat blinds casting dark shadows over the scene.

I like this – Tom cast in a noire story is definitely different

This was over the top good, with a good neo-noir feel. well done.

“Cracked a melody with his knuckles.”
What a line. I can see the smoke, from his cigarette, drooling down his dark suit,hat at a suitable angle as he draws his .38, casual like even to the point of blowing the smoke away from the tip of the gun. My feet are up and I want the sequel.

The description is really nice. I’d call it “cartoony” but it is equally chilling.

I really enjoyed this! I’d love to read a sequel.

This leaves me wanting so, so much more.

Indeed, this begs for a sequel – you’ve made Jerry sound almost like the Joker, it’s certainly original :)

wow, you and me always seem to enter the same challenges. Your making me jeaous. I liked this one. I agree with Mostly Harmless: a sequel is needed!

This is amazing! :D

I really like Tom being cast as a noir detective/PI.

one line I would change though: “That all, you dog?” would maybe be better if you took the “you” out. It would read more contemptuous that way.

A lovely read .. well done. Please write up the show-down ..

Dude… phenomenal. Please, take these pencils.

I have to disagree with PPP about changing “That all, you dog?” In my mind, if you drop the ‘you’ it reads more like “Wassup, dawg?” I feel that your version conveys more contempt and gets across the point that this dog is in fact, a dog.

Wonderful!!!