I like the action, and there is overall dreamy quality to it that works for the sort of detachment that can go with combat. You’ve got a contradiction though with the lines about their cries joining the noise and then that they took bullets without making a sound. Not sure what all is going on here, but it’s very exciting.

You portray action really well. in your bio you said you think you’re probably not very good at writing – YOU ARE!
Abby…x

thank you for the comments! fixed a couple of typos, “band” should’ve been “bank” and so on. in the catching bullets sentence, I meant the “they” to be the men the protagonist’s group was fighting. tried to clarify that

but yeah, thank you very much. i’m thinking I might go somewhere with this

I’d urge you to go somewhere else with this, either with some kind of pre-action sequence or an aftermath scene. I second THX, the detachment works very well in this bit.