Comments on The Boy who could see his emotions by The Silence [All By Myself] {LoA}

akitore

This was actually really interesting. O_o Haha.

There was this one mistake at the beginning that was kind of bothering me: Me and Fear sat down at the lunch table together.

Shouldn’t it be “Fear and I” ?? Then there were some spelling mistakes and grammar issues with capitalization. (I don’t know if you meant to capitalize it, but you capitalized “Two”? Was that on purpose?)

ANYWAYS! GOOD JOB, FRIEND. >:D
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 3 out of 5
THX 0477

Cute visualization of a thougth process and the contribution of the various emotional components. Akitore caught some of the grammar stuff, so I’ll catch a few more. ‘your’ should have been ’you’re’ at least twice up there. And excepted should be accepted.
I know the grammar stuff is nitpicky, but it does rob your writing of a fair amount of power via distracting the reader.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
Abby (LoA)

Sounds corny, but I like the little grammar issues because it is from the point of view of a school guy…I think. It’s good…I like.
Abby
x
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Krulltar

I love the idea of feelings manifesting as people.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Mr.Gabriel

Nicley donee! I can see this going farr!
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Horrorfan13

This idea of emotions being actual people is great! The grammar issues do distract, but I struggle with it too.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 3 out of 5
Pyropunk 51 (PPP LoA)

i especially liked desire as two twin blondes.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
Raegan Dauterive

Similar is spelt wrong in the first paragraph, but I will forgive you because JAMES is the absolute best name ever and this story is beyond good. Ficly needs to make a “favorite stories” option so I can read this over and over. Yes. Congrats, me gusto mucho!
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
Krulltar

congrats on being featured!
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
The Silence [All By Myself] {LoA}

Thanks! :D I think I’m going to continue this into a mini-series.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
stargazer1960

I agree with the previous comments. The story is good, but the grammar distracts.
One other typo in the last section two beautiful girls appeared sitting at me instead of with me.
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
The Athiest

real nice, another mistake:
“I would most likely be instantly excepted”
excepted should be accepted
otherwise, great!
- Posted about 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5