I don’t like the contradiction of looking fatigued and yet also looking pretty energetic. I’ve never seen anybody pull it off, it’s one or the other. Also, I feel that you have extraneous commas in a few places and that you may have overused ‘gold’. I’m pretty sure that peasants didn’t really have a standard shirt, and I seriously doubt if they did it would be white but my brain might not be functioning properly so I’ll keep my justifications to myself. Also, you have an ‘i’ that teleported itself out of ‘mssed them’ and into ‘ribbions’, and an apparent plurality problem where two bandits on either side of the swordsman seem to become a single bandit. At the end of the swordsman’s thoughts to himself you should have a comma and the ‘He’ following should not be capitalized. I also feel that ‘further’ is not necessary in that sentence. I’ve never found crescents to be creepy, but maybe other people do.

Forgive me for being so longwinded, I think there’s potential here, so I continue:

In the second sentence you don’t need ‘through’ twice. In the 3rd sentence, personally, I’d cut the second phrase to “his gait is relaxed.” In the 5th sentence I think you can remove ‘himself’. You should be able to shorten up “He looks quite battle-scarred,too, as though he were returning from a war.” Shortening some of this stuff up might give you enough space to add more visual description to the brief meeting of brigand and swordsman, to give the second paragraph a feel more like the first.

And now I go to read the other ficly.

Concise, hehe. To be honest, my netbook always seems to lag whenever I write or read ficly on here, so I was kind of in a state of _ and didn’t proofread due to my aggravated-ness. Thank you anyway :)