I had a hard time forming a connection the the character, so when she doesn’t get any reply, I’m disintrested by that point.
With the exception of one sentence, the subject of each sentence was ‘she’. ie “she was”, “she set”, “she packed”, “she [insert simple verb here]”…the simple subject and predicate in every sentence hurt this piece in my opinion

I hope what I said was constructive. I comment for lots of reasons, but one of the main reasons is because I love to read ficly stories, and want people to keep writing them.

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