The smoking reference doesn’t seem to belong. Unless, I suppose, it is foreshadowing the young girl’s reaction to the foreclosure.

First off, let me say, this story has a lot of potential, and I would love to see some more sequels.

But there are a few shortcommings in this story: Going from 3rd person in the first paragraph to 1st person is distracting; the first paragraph seems ancillary to the story, but I can see how you were trying to use it as an introduction to the character.
The character talks about how it’s “Not so awesome” for her because she won’t be in 7th grade (she flunk?), but for some reason she’s restless on the bus and can’t wait to get in the house. Also, she asks if the school called, and then she assumed her mom’s look was because she was sick or something.
Also, I know a few 8 year olds who know what foreclosure is, so they must be like geniuses or something. Foreclosure is common enough that most people know what it is, so a 12 year old know isn’t that amazing.

few spelling errors and not the easiest to follow, but its good Try editing it and its forclosed not forclosured. But all over good try satying in first or third person.

I hope you edit this, because I think it has a lot of potential. I agree that the smoking reference doesn’t seem to fit in, unless it’s foreshadowing something.

i like it, you guys. Adjust the spelling and it will be great.

Krulltar practicall said it all.

And I agree. Has potential.