You shower three times a day because you feel dirty inside, but it isn’t helping. The peppermint body wash won’t cover up the scent of your failures, no matter how hard you scrub. The water running down your back won’t wash away your troubles. If you don’t want to be a lazy, worthless pig for all of your life, then I suggest that you at least attempt make a change. Clean up the dozens of candy wrappers off the floor, and get rid of all the empty soda bottles. And for the love of all things Holy, do your laundry some time soon! Don’t think I haven’t noticed you wearing the same stinking football jersey for three days now. (Kirkland doesn’t even play for the Steelers anymore!) My point is that you’re always saying these wonderful little rhymes, making yourself feel better. Hell, you’ve even managed to brighten my day a couple of times! If you’re going to say “no day but today” or “la vida nueva” under your breath every morning, why not start living it? Look, I love you. But you need to change.

Annie.