House Of Night based? Or perhaps Cherokee? I read the House Of Night series, so that’s why this sounded so familiar. Or is it possible that’s an actual Cherokee legend? I never thought to check…

actually, it’s from both. I love that series, and the legend. So I used what I knew to make the story.

The first part of the story has a nice style to it. It felt more like the voice of this tribal character. The last paragraph suddenly lost the tone, though. I think as soon as you say “Then I remembered…” or something like that, it breaks the building suspense you had and seems almost like you’re cheating the plot to get a shorter word count. Also, right after that, you say “I was somehow able to break his spell.” Instead, try describing the “spell” he cast over you, the feelings it caused, and how hard it was to pull away. Readers like details.

Hope that was helpful. I liked the Native American mood to it.