Hey guys it’s me jon or mr horror story writer. Anyway i changed my name to fakemessiah1742.

Hope you like the story and if you didn’t you can pretend you did!

I liked this, it was quirky and funny.
Only complaint would be the puncuation, it caused me to stumble through the story. For example: “Any suggestions?” replied dave, “well for one you could …” At first it seemed as dave was saying both lines because of the comma after dave; I had to reread it to get the gist of who said what.

Yeah, you really need to double check the grammar rules for quotations. I couldn’t follow the entire second half because of it. Shorthand trick for clearing it up is to simply start a new line each time a different character begins speaking. It takes an extra character or two, but it is the standard convention for dialog and makes it crystal clear that another person has begun speaking.

Thanks ill edit it to the best of my ability

Damn it’s “glitched” it won’t let me split the dialogue into two paragraphs