To be honest, this was hard to read. You’ve got an odd way of doing sentence structure which at times seems artful, but mostly winds up confusing (like the first sentence where the ‘To me’ doesn’t seem to fit). It also might help to have attached this to Part 1 by using the ‘Write a Sequel’ button, but that’s a minor point. The main issue is really how you structure those sentences. I wish I could be more specific, but they’re just kind of jarring, probably a combination of where clauses wind up placed and some run-on sentences.
THX 0477