I place the soul on my shoulder, and it immediately begins to whine. Not such a great idea.

We arrive at the nearest river, a few kilometres away. When I’m on business I get a company car, full of complementary wines and champagnes to make the soul more peaceful.

I begin the journey into the underworld by splitting a rock in the brook with my scythe. Water crashes into my cloak from the knees down. Great, another trip to dry-cleaners later.

I grab hold of the soul, bustling to gain freedom from my fingers, and watch as the split rock opens to a staircase leading down to the depths of the earth.

I’ve made complaints about the length of the staircase, but the Human Resources Department are cutting costs due to a tight budget, and can’t afford to buy an escalator or a lift. So we march down 153230 flights of steps. Yes, I’ve counted.

By the time we reach the underworld, a pool party is in full swing. The soul is much less reluctant now, and flips into a float-chair. I take my leave. Only 153229 steps to go.