Dear Abby,

I don’t think I love my wife anymore. The problem started when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. It was small farts while lying in bed or watching TV. It was cute at first, but it hasn’t stopped. She is doing all the time, and last year she started farting ON me! It is no longer funny. When our 2nd daughter was born is when the smell started. Oh my God, it is indescribable. Rotten eggs smell better than her farts. Worst of all, she is teaching my 3 year old daughter to fart. I came home from work last week, and our 3 year old meet me at the door. “Me and Mommy had cabbage for lunch,” she said in a cute matter-of-fact way. Then she put her butt on me and delivered a riotous fart blossom. The smell nearly gagged me. While in bed, I told my wife about the incident. She curled up to me and pulled the covers up over my head. I now know what a Dutch Oven is. I have completely lost trust in her and would want a divorce if it wasn’t for the kids. PLEASE HELP!

—Breathless in Baltimore