I smiled to myself and forgot about the tear that escaped from my eye. I’m finally the peanut butter.

And so I sat with everything and the kitchen sink, lost without time to think as the nutty nuts brought before me wholegrain husky white and brown, a veritable march of soldier lovers knives ready to spread me and knife me and nibble and bite.

Caught in a jam, honey, I can explain! Lady marmalade so seductive in her orange, peering over her glass all oozy. Can’t a neighbour lend me some sugar and spice? (and she was oh so nice!) Savoury and sweet, PB and J, hey! Never heard of peanut butter and honey, honey I’m sorry! You’re nice but I never meant to lie with something from a fly’s backside!

Besides, is it any of her beeswax how I spend my leisure hours? People who live in houses of glass shouldn’t throw stones – that’s one of those known knowns.