Dear "Mrs. Claus"

My dearest Sarah Claus,

Look, baby, you knew I was never interested in marriage. We’ve been over this before. You’re a good woman, I appreciate the things you do for me, I love our time together, but I need my freedom.

Why do we need to tie this thing we have down with legal obligations and meaningless titles? Can’t we just be what we are? It’s went so well for so long. So very long. Sometimes I think it’s been centuries. I don’t mean to say it wasn’t fun or that your warmth in this cold place doesn’t bring me comfort, but damn. It’s been a long time.

You know how you get tired of eating the same cereal every day, right? Well, I’ve been eating the same cereal for so many years that I’ve lost count. It doesn’t have any flavor anymore, baby. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. The last thing I want to do is sign a piece of paper that says I’m going to eat this same tired cereal for the rest of my supernaturally long life.

So, I can understand if you want leave.
No hard feelings, okay?

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