Not only had I had fallen even lower than at any point in the past, but for the first time I knew I did. I’d call it my epiphany if it wasn’t such a lamentable realization.
I could not sink lower. This was it.
An odd sense of relief started to dull the pain. I could then see that I only had two paths before me, both choices meaning an end to my life as it was, one more literal than the other. Why continue on with a worthless existence?
I needed to leave. Not only this house, but this town and everyone I knew. I didn’t even care about where I ended up or what I’d do, I just needed to leave my old self behind, including my shattered heart. Any improvement, no matter how minute, would be a vast step up from that miserable past; besides, if I couldn’t do any better in the new life than in the previous one, the second option was still there. One way or another, who I was would end.