tell me what you think please…i love to hear what you have to say

Has a nice air of mystery and possibility about it. As far as critique, you us a lot of run-on sentences, especially there at the beginning. I know it’s grammar nit-picking, but it’s very distracting to the reader.

I’d agree with THX. And if you separate the paragraphs with double spaces,

(like this) then it reads a little easier for the Ficly format (not in the middle of the sentence, I mean. Do it for a new paragraph). Overall, though, pretty nice beginning.

I hope you write more to this because you did manage to leave me curious. It was nicely written although I agree with the other two commenters.

thats good, keep up the good writing

I dont think oops was the write word. It has that hard p sound. It should have had more of an airy quality to convey that trance like state. like awe or eewwh or sorry. but just my opinion. nice story.