QUICKLY, GO CHANGE THE TITLE, THIS IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST PEEVES!

It is, "should have listened, not, “should of.” This common mistake comes from the misinterpretation of what you hear when people use the contraction “should’ve.” It’s should HAVE. As in to have done something. You can be a great writer, but make this mistake and it doesn’t matter how talented you are, you are viewed as an amateur. I say this in warning, not condescension.

Also, you switch between past and present tense like it’s not necessary to conjugate verbs uniformly. Time is not a figment of my imagination, dear—it is real. A lot of young writers have a tendency to do this, you don’t have to be one of them anymore.

You use “tight” a lot. Put the word into a thesaurus or right click for synonyms in Word to make it better.

I tried to pry the hands This doesn’t make sense. It should be “pry the hands away” or “pry away the hands”.

Your sentences are still choppy….but this is better than some of your other stories.

i changed it a little. is it better?

wow.

Yes it is better, I especially love the last line.

Things to look at: The “pry his hands” part is still weird. You have to say where you are prying them to. You pry something away or pry something from, you don’t just pry.

Also, the “smiled a horrific smile” is strange. It’s correct, but not something you want to say in writing. Say, “his smile was horrific” or “he smiled horrifically” and since horrifically is a weird word, I’d say “frighteningly” or even, “his smile was chilling” or “sent a chill up my spine”.

Besides that, it’s better. And with those corrections, it could be great.

… I thought the “horrific” part was ok. I don’t consider it a weird word. But then again I’m not the one who can spot out mistakes like you could point out the spots on a cow. XD I thought it was good. But the only thing that bothered me was. Where did the tank come from?!

From my butt, of course.

This is pretty good, it sort of sounds like an episode of “Ghost Whisperer.” Awesome show.
Anyway, I have a tank behind my garage. It also has a top and we (my brother and I) used to fill it with water and sit in it during the summer. So it’s not terribly unusual to have a tank. Maybe their parents own a tank store lol or it was a dunking tank on loan from somewhere for a county fair?