Gorgeous piece, but the last line is to…I’m not sure how to put it. I guess too straight forward. Maybe say something like ‘would you have walked away, had you known my life would be taken by that strike of lighting’ or the like. On second thoughts, ignore me – amazing story!

Very powerful build up to the final line. And such an unexpected way to die. Really enjoyed this.

This is a beautiful piece and almost perfect. I feel, though, that after the beautiful descriptions in the body of the work, that the last line is very blunt and jarring in comparison. You could probably find a better way to phrase it while still getting that point across.

I’ll be frank. I found the last line…. awkward. We had the smooth romantic, thoughtful, sensitive vibe going on and then it stopped.

I think you should introduce her death differently like. “As he left, a small finger of life reached down from the cloudy sky and just barely caressed me.”

^ I know that isn’t the best description. I’m not good at that kind of thing but I hope you understand what I mean. I’d change the last line up a little bit but otherwise very good! :)

Thank you everyone for your honesty. I changed the last sentence – I hope it is not as awkward.

I really dig the new last line. Much improved.

Never read the original line, but this was, honestly, flawless. Oh my I don’t know what to say it brought a tear to my eye… Gorgeous.