“Tell us again how you started that ‘vampyr’ myth on planet Irth!” my children shouted, their antennas swinging back and forth in the excitement of hearing a story.

“It all started when I first visited Irth. I tried to stay undercover as I do whenever I visit foreign planets… but this time I didn’t stay undercover for long. Now, you know that when visiting planets you have to bring your own stock of red dust tonic, because most don’t supply any edible food. So, I was having a good drink of the tonic at the inn I was staying at, when suddenly a human maid barged in on me. She shrieked the moment she saw my face, dripping and covered with the red dust tonic. I didn’t know it at the time but red dust tonic has an immense likeliness to human blood. I left Irth straight away, as I suspected that they’d figure out that I was a martian. I came back to Irth some time later only to discover my little ‘vampyr’ myth had spread all around Irth!”

I then gazed up at the sky, at Irth. Humans… what a primitive race.