I’m hooked! The first line had me. I love the way you write. I’d buy a paperback of yours!

Now I’m blushing. Thanks a million times!!

crazy folkloric tribal legends! Was the bridge of meditation? the sudden end was disappointing, I wanted some forest adventures! And how’d she die? I mean, come on.. there’s a story missing! okay I’ll stop whining. It had a bridge and a great beginning.. I’ll give you that much.

Well, I had to set up the story. It could continue…..

I realize you can’t give too much away in a beginning, but it almost feels as if there’s not enough here yet. I mean, her experience on the bridge that she’d been traveling thousands of miles to see was pretty short-lived, and I don’t really get the feeling of why this particular bridge is so special. I think if you developed a few more enticing background elements that hinted at a bigger setting/characters/plot, it could draw the reader in more.

Basically, I agree with what Elsha said, just in a wordier way. Hopefully it was helpful.

I did have more as to her experience and why it was special, but I also had to have an encounter between two people to answer the challenge. So I guess this was challenging for me.

Hey, it is a ficly-et-thingame-jiggy, right? It’s supposed to be short, and to the point. And plenty of my favourite ones I’ve read over the time I’ve been here have been open-ended (and others open-fronted).

One of the wonderful things about this site is that anyone can write a prequel or a sequel. I’d like to see someone who thinks this piece needs one or the other to write one…come on…give it a shot.

That is what I try to do…make it stand on it’s own, but I guess in this case it didn’t work so well.

I don’t know, this is okay on it’s own. I don’t really need to know how she dies, only that she does, eventually.

I like this story because it has a quality of the Dreamtime about it. Quite tribal and with an other worldly feel to it which is basically what I’m looking for.

Thanks for entering :)