“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Doctor.”

“What?”

“It’s… I’m… uh… Doctor.”

“What’s a doctor doing knocking at this hour?”

“…No, it’s… Knock knock.”

“Yes, you’ve done that bit.”

“No, but… who’s there?”

“I already asked that. You said ‘Doctor.’”

“Yes, I did!”

“And, frankly, it’s a bit vague. I mean, there are lots of doctors.”

“Yes, so you should ask me about that.”

“I have. Twice.”

“But you’re not asking… y’know… properly, style of thing.”

“Look, do you actually want something or can I go back to bed?”

“I… uh… knock knock.”

“Y’know what? I’m done. It’s late, I’ve got an early st—”

“IT’S DOCTOR WHO, YOU CUNT.”

“…”

“…”

“Oh. Was this supposed to be a joke?”

“Sod this. I’m going down the pub with the Irishman and the Scotman.”