Wrote a 1024 critique and Ficly ate it on me. Now THERE’S horror. In summary:

Appropriate effort, though the craft needs work.

You’re telling, not showing: “I was in an abyss.” “Then there was an unholy scream.” “I read horrible things” Instead, perhaps:

“Opening it at a random, I read but one page before I dropped the book in choking horror, stumbling backwards.”

Economise while describing the ghost – one or two details will usually suffice. Similarly, “She squinted her eyes and glared at me.” (kick the second ‘at me’. ‘and’ is a lovely thing. =)

“and it was your family that killed me” is a goodish instinct for Lovecraft, but seems to come from nowhere. That said, ghost is somewhat overt – a Lovecraftian ‘hero’ would go stark raving upon meeting such a creature, then (probably) mercifully black out. =)

Keep at it – and try some Lovecraft! I reccomend “The Shadow over Innsmouth”. http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/theshadowoverinnsmouth.htm

try and be more expressive with your words instead of just telling us step-by-step what’s happening. your writing will be much more effective and will resonate with your readers.

Try and make it flow more. I think you have a brilliant amount of talent – just stretch your creative legs…wait, did that sound wrong?