Dear Santa,
Don’t think that I can’t see through your act. You’re a horrible man. I should sue you! I’d win too! You know how people always say that you have “rosy” cheeks? Well I know why. Cause you’re drunk! So when you’re driving your sleigh around at night, you could get charged with drinking and driving. And I feel sorry for Mrs. Claus. Really. You wear a red suit with white fur on it. You’re gay! Also there are your poor elves. Your forcing them to make toys year ‘round! It’s your job to make the kids of the world toys. Yet you force elves to. You don’t even get kids what they want! I still haven’t gotten that stuffed dog toy I’ve wanted when I was 4! And I’m 12 now! You can’t do the job you were born to do right! Well don’t even try to come to my house this year! I’m leaving my fire burning all night just to keep you out! And if you try to get in any other way, I’ll get my dad to arrest you for breaking and entering!

From your #1 enemy,
Anna

P.S. Don’t send me any letters back. I’ll burn them.